By Cristen Smith, LPC, LMHC
Trauma Therapist | 16 Years of Clinical Practice
Sometimes the holiday list arrives when your plate is already full.
You may be caring for a parent. Raising children. Working a job that doesn't bend. Grieving someone or something. Deciding which bills can wait this month. Navigating a strained relationship, an illness, or a season of life that has taken more than it has given.
You may also be carrying what is happening beyond your household, concern for people whose safety matters to you, financial pressure that makes every decision heavier, or the exhaustion of staying informed about a world that feels unstable. For some, political tension is complicating gatherings, belonging, and boundaries this year.
Then the invitations arrive. The shopping. The meals. The travel. The expectations that this season will be meaningful, magical, and worth the effort.
The problem may not be that you cannot organize the holidays well enough. The problem may be that there is more being asked of you than you have room to carry.
This post is about doing less on purpose. Doing less not because you are lazy or incapable, but because the list was never meant to be a moral test.
When the Load Changes How You Cope
People respond to carrying too much in different ways.
Some keep moving. Staying busy can offer a temporary sense of control when things feel out of control. This is a way to feel useful when so much is uncertain. Others notice themselves going numb, pulling away, or feeling less able to notice what they need. Sometimes that disconnection includes dissociation — a sense of being detached from yourself or your surroundings — and sometimes it reflects exhaustion, grief, or something else entirely.
You do not need to diagnose yourself to acknowledge that the load is affecting you.
What matters is not which label fits. What matters is that you are allowed to name what you are carrying. You are also allowed to make decisions based on that reality, not based on what the season seems to demand.
When ADHD Adds Another Layer
For adults with ADHD or executive function challenges, the holidays add another kind of weight. Remembering, initiating, coordinating, switching between tasks, holding a plan in your head while also being a person. These are real cognitive demands, and they multiply quickly during the holidays. The National Institute of Mental Health notes that adults with ADHD may struggle with organization, time management, planning, and completing projects.
But this post is not only about ADHD.
Whether your overwhelm comes from neurological differences, life circumstances, world events, caregiving, trauma, grief, or some combination of all of these — the underlying message is the same: neither how your brain works nor how much you are carrying is a moral failure. Capacity is not a character trait. It is a condition that changes with what is being asked of you.
Doing Less on Purpose
This is not a productivity system. It is a set of questions about what actually fits.
Name what you are already carrying.
Before adding holiday demands, write down what is already on your plate. I don’t mean just tasks, but responsibilities, grief, uncertainty, recovery needs, and the emotional labor of holding things together. Naming the load is not wallowing. It is the first step to making decisions based on reality rather than guilt.
Choose a minimum meaningful season.
What matters enough to keep? Not what looks good, not what has always been done — what actually feels worth the cost. Some traditions you love. Some you inherited. Some you keep out of fear of what others will think. The goal is not to eliminate everything; it is to protect what genuinely matters by letting go of what does not.
Redistribute ownership where support exists.
If you have a partner, family, or friends who can help, hand off whole tasks, not fragments. "Can you own the side dishes?" rather than "Can you help with the food?" Fragments still require you to remember, coordinate, and follow up. Whole tasks let someone else hold the cognitive load.
Acknowledge what cannot be reduced.
Some people cannot cut the list. Caregiving, work, finances, family obligations. Real constraints do not disappear on request or because you’ve lit a candle. If you cannot do less, the next best thing may be adding the smallest available relief: asking for one specific thing, saying no to one extra commitment, or building in one pause before the next task. This is not a solution to structural overload. It is permission to stop pretending it isn't hard.
The Point
You are allowed to do less. Not because you are failing or behind, but because the list was never meant to prove your worth.
Doing less can also protect what you love. A smaller season can make room for the tradition that actually matters, the quiet you actually need, the people you actually want to be with. It is not a lesser holiday. It is one that fits.
Presence Over Pressure
Before the holiday list becomes another measure of your worth, Choosing Presence Over Pressure can help you decide what is truly yours to carry this season. The guide includes budget pages, boundary scripts, and "not doing" lists — designed for real life, not a perfect one.
Therapy
If you are carrying too much, whether from ADHD, trauma, caregiving, grief, or the compounding pressure of holding everything together — you do not have to figure it out alone. Therapy can help you address shame, regulation, and the patterns underneath over-functioning. An ADHD assessment can provide clarity if you are wondering whether your patterns include neurodivergence.
Cristen Smith offers trauma-informed therapy for adults in Peachtree City, Georgia, and online for clients in Georgia, Massachusetts, Connecticut, and Pennsylvania.
Learn more about somatic trauma therapy.
Learn about ADHD assessments.
Contact Cristen to inquire about working together.
FAQ
Why do the holidays feel so overwhelming?
The holidays add demands. Planning, coordinating, shopping, cooking, traveling, managing relationships, on top of what you are already carrying. If your plate is full from caregiving, work, grief, financial pressure, or concern about the world, the additional load can exceed what you have room to hold. This is not a failure of organization or motivation. It is a capacity issue.
How do I do less during the holidays without feeling guilty?
Start by naming what you are already carrying, not just tasks, but responsibilities, grief, and recovery needs. Then separate what matters enough to keep from what you inherited or do out of guilt. Guilt often reflects a learned belief that your worth depends on how much you do, not an accurate measure of what you should be doing.
Is pushing through the holidays a trauma response?
Sometimes. For some people, staying busy offers a temporary sense of control when things feel out of control. Others notice numbness, distraction, or disconnection — which can involve dissociation, though these experiences have multiple possible explanations. If pushing through feels compulsive or disconnected, therapy can help you understand what is underneath with care rather than judgment.
How does ADHD make the holidays harder?
The holidays increase demands on executive function — planning, initiating, organizing, prioritizing, and managing time — which are areas where ADHD brains often work differently than neurotypical expectations assume. Add sensory input, social demands, disrupted routines, and emotional labor, and the cognitive cost becomes significant. This is one layer of holiday overwhelm, not the only one.
Author Note
This article is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for individualized mental-health care, crisis support, or a therapeutic relationship. It is not intended to diagnose any condition. If you are in immediate danger or considering harming yourself, call or text 988 in the United States for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or contact local emergency services.
About the Author
Cristen Smith, LPC, LMHC, is a trauma therapist with 16 years of clinical experience, licensed in Georgia, Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, and Connecticut. She specializes in complex trauma, attachment, and neurodivergent-affirming ADHD assessment, and is in the intermediate year of Somatic Experiencing training. Cristen offers therapy and ADHD assessments in Peachtree City, GA, and online across GA, MA, CT, and PA.
Read more about Cristen's background and approach.
References
National Institute of Mental Health. (2024). ADHD in Adults: 4 Things to Know (NIH Publication No. 24-MH-3573). https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/adhd-what-you-need-to-know
Roselló, B., Berenguer, C., Baixauli, I., Mira, Á., Martinez-Raga, J., & Miranda, A. (2020). Empirical examination of executive functioning, ADHD associated behaviors, and functional impairments in adults with persistent ADHD, remittent ADHD, and without ADHD. BMC Psychiatry, 20, 134. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12888-020-02542-y