PRACTICAL STRATEGIES WHEN DOING REPARENTING WORK
Re-parenting comes up a lot in the work that I do with my clients. I’ve done my own re-parenting work. I basically advocate for this with almost everyone. It’s that powerful.
It can be difficult at first to understand what the heck a therapist means by re-parenting.
Essentially, you set out on the journey of filling the emotional gaps in your life. You give yourself emotionally, and sometimes literally, what you couldn’t get as a child.
The premise here is not to sit and blame your parents.
Let me be first to say your parents did the best they could. They did the best they could, given their own emotional health, level of understanding, available resources, and their own healing.
Building upon your existing models for parenting and self-nurturing does not have to be synonymous with shucking personal responsibility to your parents. Re-parenting is actually a way of accepting responsibility for your own healing, in the present. Here are some general strategies that will be helpful in your healing.
Learn to love boundaries: Boundaries in their most basic form let you and others know what is okay, and what is not okay for you. Get comfortable with expressing your boundaries, and honoring others.
Practice mindfulness: Re-parenting work can be emotionally triggering and draining. It's important to be able to regain a present moment center emotionally so you aren’t living emotionally in another time.
Develop a plan for relaxation: And don’t forget to work that plan everyday. This is a good habit to do anyway, but particularly when we are attempting to see the world as a safer place. Your body will thank you, trust me.
Take care of yourself: Be mindful of the foods you consume, how much rest you are getting, and what you are allowing in your heart and mind. Be sure to be intentional with the messaging you are consuming.
Allow yourself to experience vulnerability : And any other emotional states that are difficult for you, for that matter. This could be done with the trust of a therapist, a good friend, partner, or mentor.
Odds are you never learned how to do some of these things and that’s okay. It’s to be expected. Reparenting is a HARD job, and we can only do the best we can.
The fact you’ve taken the time to read this says how committed you are to your own healing. And the best part of all is that even if you never learned these things, it’s never too late.