self care
After taking about a week off from work and also away from the news, I returned this past week to learn of the latest on how our president is turning the country on its head. Since Trump was elected, I have experienced a range of emotions from paralyzing fear, overwhelming sadness, intense anger and rage, and at times hopeless—like what I do does not matter. It sometimes can take a while for these feelings to run their course. And if you’re living in the same world I am, then you know that as soon as it seems like we recover from one event, here comes another one to knock us off balance again. I will say, this president has forced me to practice self-care more than any other president I’ve known in my lifetime. Not only that, but it has forced me to reckon with just how essential this skill is as a life skill. Because not only do we have to deal with our oscillating reactions to the national and global world, but we’ve still got our day to day stress, work, and relationships to consider in our mental health! Despite what I can see as obvious progress in our cultural attitude toward self-care, I still get a lot of questions from people about it: What is it? How do you actually do it? Is self-care just self-indulgence?
Self-care is anything that is done intentionally and deliberately in order to care for our individual emotional, physical, mental, and/or spiritual health. It sounds simple right? Most people, if asked, would say, “Yes, of course I’m taking care of myself!”
Self-care is not self-indulgent. It is also not something we force ourselves to do, either. It’s something we enjoy doing, that refuels rather than depletes. Not only is the skill of self-care a requirement to living a balanced life, it is a requirement to continue to be able to give, care, and love for the other people around you in your life.
Here are some general rules of thumb to consider wherever you are in your development and relationship to self-care:
Stick to the basics
Take a walk in the sun on a break from work, shut your office door for some quiet time, listen to a favorite artist, or stop to admire some local architecture. Be willing to explore and be a little uncomfortable and you will find your own rhythm and routine with self-care that works for you. Look for small and natural ways to implement a little “me time” moment into your day and you’ll naturally continue down that path.
Permission to live slowly
Not everything is urgent despite the fact that the world may make it seem that way. Thinking more long term about the here and now of life can help with this. Ask yourself, will this matter in 5 days, or even in 5 hours? Also, recognizing the social ramifications of being hurried can be helpful. (Hint: acting unilaterally in service of ‘getting it done’ can come across wrong). You might also want to consider how necessary all the notifications on your phone are. Making incremental changes in service of feeling more in control of your own time again helps with overall mood, and even more so gives you your power back to move through your day in an intentional way.
Get enough sleep
The amount of adults I know going to sleep far too late and getting 4 or 5 hours of sleep at night is staggering. Sleep is a literal foundation for your physical and emotional health. If you’re waking up exhausted every day, you’re probably not getting enough sleep. This would be a great way to jump start your self-care mindset. Consider your sleep hygiene and routines before bed, and even take a natural supplement like melatonin.
Other ways to begin to know what your unique self-care activities are would be to simply write a list of the things you would do if you had the time. Activities that help you to either slow down, or just to feel good. Once you have that list you can start slowly implementing. Maybe start with one a week, and when that feels good and manageable, try something new or different. Build from there and challenge yourself to do multiple activities in a week. Maybe you can even get to a point of doing one a day!
This is all great and good, but isn’t self-care just self-indulgent? NO. NO. NO. I absolutely understand why you might think this. Dominant culture and generations past were taught that self-care is frivolous. It’s an “I can’t be bothered with you” type of mentality, or an “I’m busy I’m getting a massage” mentality. Self-care was for the privileged. Sure, who doesn’t love a massage? However, I’ve been trying to write here – self-care is not just pampering. That might be one type of care, but not the entire story. It’s recharging in your unique way that works for you so you can be present and grounded in our crazy world.
Self-care is a process and a relationship to prioritize yourself that takes awareness, persistence, and patience. It’s a bit like training or practicing for anything else. You’re probably not going to be very good at it at first, but you’ll get better with time.
The benefit of self-care is that it fundamentally helps you to engage with the world differently. You no longer need to tune out because you’re more tuned in more regularly. You stop to notice the birds chirping, or the sound of children laughing, rather than rushing to your next stop and living on autopilot. You’re more connected to the people around you. You’re better able to track your emotions through a day rather than just avoiding them and viewing them as nuances, and throwing yourself down on a couch at the end of the day. You’ve got more energy and more creativity available to you. Another great thing to remember about self-care is that you can start anytime. It’s free and only requires your thought in getting started. What have you got to lose?